I am what I am. The reasons behind my Instagram rant.
Yesterday I published a post on Instagram which I didn’t expect would create the buzz it did. I received loads of nice comments and a warm hug of understanding that really moved me. I’m writing this post because I feel like I need to further elaborate on what my thought was and address my primary aim a little better.
Here’s the post I’m referring to
“The singer of Ancient Bards is chubby and they still have fans” (quote). How does physical appearance affect talent? Do great female fronted metal bands owe their success only to their lead singer’s attractiveness? I DON’T THINK SO. I am what I am. I lived half my life in a body that was never fit for the things I put it through, first classical ballet, now pole dance. The way music flows through my every fiber shapes my greatest passions, singing and dancing, which I both cultivated since I was very young. It’s a feeling I can’t explain, the sense of completion and harmony that gets me every time music takes control. I have to admit that whenever I sing or dance, I selfishly do it for myself first, then for everyone who’s willing to see what I’m trying to “say”. A few years ago I would have NEVER uploaded a picture like this, because I let some people undermine my self confidence and convince me that I was wrong. Now I’m freaking proud of my body because, even though it is disadvantaged compared to others, I still can make it do things that I thought were unthinkable for me and I learned how your body can achieve amazing things if you just allow yourself to try. I am what I am, and I do want to get better! I’m still my worst critic, but I’m not letting anyone ruin my journey while I get to the place I want to be! #bodypositive #getoverit #poledance #freedom #dance #bepolerm #metalsinger picture by @veronicabronzetti_photography
First of all, I want to apologize because after seeing all the comments I realized that writing the quote out of context made it look worse than I think it was intended to be. The guy who wrote the sentence was simply trying to “console” a girl who felt like she couldn’t pursue her dream of being a metal singer because she wasn’t pretty enough. I guess his intent was good? Still, I didn’t really appreciate the speed in formulating the equation chubby = not pretty enough.
Wait! Does this mean that I should make a social experiment and see if I can manage to live off of music just by dropping 10kg? I’m sorry Bards if my weight is literally holding you back! 😂 Back to our serious selves….
I really really appreciated the flood of nice and positive comments, I am not afraid to say that they felt good, because even if I’m confident now in my own skin, the negative stuff is always the most diffused on the internet and it is often the only bell you hear ringing. This inevitably makes you question everything, and you find yourself thinking: “Did that person say I look good? He/she must have seen a strange-angled photo!”.
With that being said, I’d like to clarify that my post wasn’t primarily meant to answer to the one hater, which was only taken as a random sample of far worse things I had to read and hear about me. The post just wanted to be a personal statement, a public “outing” that would officially mark the moment I decided I would never be self-conscious again. I decided that I don’t care anymore if I look even larger than I actually am in the campaign pitch video, or if amazing photographers publish live pictures where my dress tragically demeans my figure and the lights or the pose exalt my every flaw. I decided that I wouldn’t care anymore.
This is why I would also like to thank all the kind hearts who commented that I shouldn’t mind the haters, but that was actually what I was doing. I assure you I never lost any sleep over something a stranger said, and whenever I complain about something I read it’s only because the depth of people’s ignorance still astonishes me, but it doesn’t get to me. Maybe I didn’t express it very well, but I didn’t mean to rant or scold anyone. I know haters will always be at their keyboards and I certainly won’t be the Don Quixote trying to fight them all back, that wouldn’t be too smart!
With that post, I just wanted to express where I stand, confirm to myself that those kinds of comments don’t touch me, and maybe inspire other people in my position. I am 32, my skin is thicker now, I know what I had to go through and I keep thinking that there are people in the world that get 10 times the 💩 that I get and it breaks my heart. So if my post helped even just 1 person, I’m happy.
I’ve always disliked blatant comments on my body anyway, they leave me grossed out and feel like harassment, even if they’re meant to be a compliment. Appreciation for the eyes, for the smile, hell even legs are fine, but please don’t talk to me about my breasts! A few years back I wrote a post (you can read it here) with regards to a guy who thought I would have been flattered to be depicted as somehow “voluntarily chubby” and being publicly sexualized. He still sometimes sends me messages to prove his page (that once featured elegant pictures of half-naked women with raw meat slices on their body) is having loads of success and followers, demonstrating that he never understood how he insulted me (and by the way Hitler had followers too (yeah, I know, cheap shot 😆 )). Hello!? I don’t like that kind of attention, so please talk about it at the bar and do not tag me on Facebook, thank you.
I wanna thank you all again because you are awesome and it’s refreshing to see how many people spent some words to comfort ME! Besides all the incredibly kind words you guys said I was moved to see that you cared ❤️ You cared enough to take a minute to comment, to spread the love, to say “hey, I got you” ❤️
To me, that’s absolutely priceless.
In celebration of this awkward post (it kinda is), I’m adding another pole dance picture where you can easily tell from my facial expression that I was hurting like hell! The pole was spinning, of course.